My husband and I recently tried a new restaurant. Upon approaching the sidewalk beside the restaurant, I looked up and saw a sign that read “Use stairs at your own risk.” There was a set of steps going up the side of the building to an entrance on the second floor. After reading the sign, I assumed the steps must be in disrepair, perhaps with some missing or rotting. Imagine my surprise when I looked at the stairs and they were perfectly fine.

I didn’t use the steps, but I did look at them for a bit. To my untrained eye, the steps seemed equally spaced. None were missing or rotting. They were constructed of what appeared to be quality, treated lumber. Needless to say, I’ve been curious about that set of stairs ever since, and I can’t stop wondering why there’s a sign warning visitors to use them at their own risk. I can’t decide if businesses assume their customers are so stupid that they need basic instructions and warnings for everything, or if the world of the frivolous lawsuit is now so widespread that businesses are going to ridiculous lengths to protect themselves. While neither option is desirable, I think I would prefer the latter reason.

While there are strange and curious warning labels on a variety of products, for now, I’m going to focus on signs. Of course, there is an abundance of signs out there that don’t make a lot of sense. For example, a sign posted on a balcony that reads “Caution: Please be aware that the balcony is not at ground level” is senseless. Of course the balcony is not at ground level; if it were, it’d be called a patio. Additionally, one should be able to see that the balcony is not at ground level without ever even having to get close to the railing. Another senseless sign out there reads “Caution: Water on road during rain.” Really? Who would have ever guessed?

For other signs that offer warnings, expectations are set by the reading of the sign. Failure to meet those expectations leaves the reader scratching his head. For example, you would expect signs that read “State Prison: Do not stop for hitchhikers” or “Hitchhikers may be escaping inmates” to be placed around a jail or prison. If the signs are placed anywhere else, they are senseless. For a sign that reads “Beware of dog”, you expect to see a dog in the vicinity. Even if the sign is meant sarcastically and all that’s there is a Yorkie, you still expect to actually see a dog.  For signs that read “Warning: Horses may bite or kick”, you immediately look around to find the horse. If you don’t see a prison, a dog, or a horse, you’re left wondering “what’s up with that?”

That’s where I am with the “Use stairs at your own risk” sign. Is there a trip wire on the stairs I need to avoid? An invisible layer of ice that makes them too slick to use? What’s so risky about these soundly built steps that I can only use them at my own risk? The funniest thing about it, though, was that once we were inside the restaurant, there was another set of steps going to the second floor. These stairs were a spiral staircase that was very narrow, completely different from the sturdy, wide steps that simply went straight up the building outside. If one of the sets of stairs needed a warning, it would have been more sensible to place that warning by the steps inside the building.

I really hope that the sign isn’t there because someone had the misfortune to trip or fall down the stairs and then decided to sue the restaurant. I also hope that the practice of over-warning customers doesn’t become so widespread that we end up seeing warnings such as “drink from glass at your own risk” or “sit in chair at your own risk”. There’s only so much room in the world for signs that don’t make sense (at least I hope so).