Like Parents, Like Children

You know how sometimes you know something, but the significance of what you know somehow escapes you? What usually happens is that you’re going along, living your merry, little life, knowing what you know, and all of a sudden, out of the blue, you realize the magnitude of what you know. At that moment, you almost feel like somebody slapped you in the face as you have your little “duh” moment.

As you might have guessed, I’ve had one of those moments this week. Last night to be exact, and since I’ve recongized that what I know is significant, I can’t stop thinking about it and trying to process it. I’m not having a lot of luck with the processing part.

Last night, it occurred to me that my oldest child will be 25 years old next week. That’s not the epiphany. Obviously, I know how old my children are. The epiphany occurred when I realized that when I was just shy of my own 25th birthday, I was a mother of four, ranging in age from 2 1/2 months to almost 7. It’s really hard for me to look at Byron and think about where he is at 25 and where I was at 25. Upon further reflection, I realized that when I was Nicole’s age, 22, I had three of my children. When I was Travis’s age, 20, I had one child and was expecting my second. When I was Cody’s age, 18, I had a newborn. Even though Travis now has a three-month-old daughter, I still find it hard to look at my kids and see them as parents, even though when I was their ages, I was busy being a mother.

Part of the problem is it’s just difficult for parents to see their children as parents. It’s a huge transition. We often don’t think our kids are mature enough to be adults, but just as often, we are wrong about that. As a general rule, we’ve raised good kids who are ready for the responsibilities of adulthood, including marriage and children. If nothing else, we find out in a hurry what our kids are made of. Being a parent forces you to grow up, in a hurry. If it forces you to grow up in a hurry, it will also force your kids to grow up in a hurry. It’s still mind-boggling, though, when you realize what you were doing at the ages your kids now are.

We always want the best for our kids. We always want for them to make better, smarter, wiser decisions than the ones we have made. The thing is that we never know how wise or smart our decisions are until well into the future. I can’t complain about the decisions I made because my kids are those decisions, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. I’d do everything all over again just to have them. One day, they’ll be able to look back and say that same thing about their own children. Even though we spend a lot of time worrying about our kids, whether they’re ready for the challenges ahead, we have to realize that more likely than not, our parents had the same reservations and fears about us. And, for the most part, we turned out OK, didn’t we?

That’s what life is all about. We grow up, we have our children, and they grow up. We are surprised when this happens, just as our parents were surprised when we grew up. Next thing we know, our kids are having kids, and suddenly we’re realizing the same things our parents realized when they became grandparents. They’ll be just fine, because we raised them right. They’ll figure out what to do, just like we did, just like our parents did. And when they need help, we’ll be there for them just as our parents were for us. One of the most amazing things to realize, though, is that the way we feel about our kids and the way we continually worry about them is the same way our parents feel about us. Our kids will always be our babies, just as we’ll always be our parents’ babies. Our kids grow up, but we don’t stop worrying about them, and our parents are the same way about us.

I have my moments, when I get nostalgic like this, usually after I have an epiphany of some sort. I guess the main thing that comes out of it is this: I am forever grateful for both my parents and for my children and my granddaughter. I’m proud of my kids and Mady just as I know my parents are proud of all of us. And whether I want to admit it or not, my kids are ready for the responsibilities of adulthood. It won’t always be easy, but they’ll be just fine. I can’t believe a quarter of a century has gone by since I became a mother, but I can say this without a doubt. It’s been the best 25 years of my life.

Tomorrow Won’t Be Easy

Normally, Friday is a day I look forward to, but not tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow I will get to see Trav, Ashley, Mady, and Nic, which is not how I normally spend a Friday. Yes, tomorrow I get to see Journey, Pat Benatar, and Loverboy in concert at the State Fair. Sounds like it should be a pretty good day, right? There’s something I’m not looking forward to, though. Tomorrow is the day I move my baby into his dorm at the University of Kentucky.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very excited for Cody and the new adventure he is about to begin. I do understand that life is built in stages and phases, and we are entering a new one. It’s one of those bittersweet things, though. This is the last time I get to start this phase of life with one of my children. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

I’ve had folks tell me that this drop off should be easier. After all, when I dropped Byron (the first one) off, he didn’t have anybody in Lexington, and he was getting a stranger for a roommate. Cody not only knows his roommate, but they’ve been friends for a while. Cody has people in Lexington, Trav and Nic. And these things do make me feel better about leaving him there than I did about leaving Byron there. This isn’t the same, though, and it’s definitely not easier. This time it’s my baby.

Now, those of you who know me know that I call all my kids my babies. But this is also different because it is the baby. Those of you who think it’s easy either don’t have children or you’ve not yet had to do this.

We’ve spent the week getting all his things ready. He and Tiffany have done some shopping. Piles of stuff – those things we have to take – are growing. Every time I walk by one, I want to cry. So far, I’ve been holding up pretty well. I think I may even do OK tomorrow, but that’s only because after I move him in, I’ll be going to the concert, then spending the night with Trav, and then on Saturday, I’ll be picking Cody up to take him for one last shopping trip before I actually leave him there. I have a feeling it won’t hit me with full force until I’m heading home on Saturday night. That doesn’t mean tomorrow will be easy; Jimmy may still have to drive on to Louisville, but it’s more likely he will definitely have to drive home from Lexington on Saturday.

I wish the best to all the students who are heading off to start their college careers. Keep all of them in your prayers, asking for a safe and successful year. But don’t forget to remember the parents, too. Whatever stage these parents are in – dropping off the first kid, the middle kid, or the baby – each stage has its own challenges, and the parents need the prayers to get through it.

Adjusting the Old Work Routine

The first week of school is almost over. Most of us are feeling it and are looking forward to the weekend. Things are off to a good start. The kids have been adjusting well to the new rules. About half my homeroom returned their beginning-of-the-year paperwork (that same paperwork I didn’t have to complete for the first time in 21 years). And though we haven’t done a full day of regular schedule yet (that will come tomorrow), classes are going well. Tomorrow, though, with having full classes, we can dive in and get started.

I’m actually pleased that of the four days I’ve worked, I managed to cook supper two of those. Monday was a tremendously long day, and after a twelve-hour day, I just didn’t feel like cooking. Tuesday wasn’t as long, but I still wasn’t in the mood to cook. Last night, though, I wanted some real food, so it was shake-n-bake chicken, garlic and onion potatoes, and mac and cheese. Tonight, I also managed to have a meal, shake-n-bake pork chops with the leftover potatoes and mac and cheese from last night, and creamed corn. I’m not sure if I’m cooking tomorrow or not. I have to decide whether to go back to the football scrimmage. If I do, there will be no cooking; if I don’t, there might be.

It’s always fun to try to get back into the routine of things. I did manage to get some laundry done this week. The dishwasher has been run twice. I’ve managed to get blogs done. I have spent an hour or less looking at school stuff. I have been too tired to read, though hopefully I overcome that soon. I must confess that there was a mini-nap two evenings this week.

I know I don’t get a lot of sympathy from other folks about returning to work. After all, I’ve had two or more months off, free time to do what I want. Here’s the thing about that, though. Those folks chose their careers. They could have chosen one that gave them summers off, but they didn’t. The only real difference, then, about our going back to work is the length of our vacations. Yes, mine is longer, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing I had a few more days off, just like most of them do when their vacation time is up.

Regardless of the length of the vacation, it takes some time to adapt to the work schedule when you go back to work. Fortunately, it doesn’t take too long. By the end of next week, I should have adopted the school-year routine. I’m hoping to be able to spend some time each evening doing the laundry, getting the cleaning done, and reading. I’m sure I’ll even spend a few evenings working on school-related things, but I’m going to do my best to limit that time so I can do the things I really want, such as read, write, and work on my project.

This year will be different. My kids have all graduated, so my responsibilities in the evenings have changed significantly. As I continue to adapt, I’ll develop a system for how to spend my evenings. I’ve noticed gradual changes as our family life has evolved. I used to think I wouldn’t know what to do with my time if I didn’t spend every Friday night on a football field. As much as I enjoyed all those Friday nights, after Trav graduated, I found that while I missed it, I also enjoyed my newly found free time. I’ll go to some games this year; Ben is playing. But I won’t go to every game, and I’m not even sure I’ll make every home game. There are other things I may give up now that I have no children still enrolled. It’s all part of the new phase I’m in. While I enjoyed spending my time with my children and involved in what they were doing, I now want to spend my time involved in what my kids are doing now.

It’s hard to believe that I’m beginning my 16th year of teaching, that all my children have graduated high school, and even that I’m a grandmother. Time moves on, and it is what we make it. And we’re going to make the 2012-13 school year one of the best yet.

There’s No Excuse for Being Bored

Summer vacation is past the halfway point. Many kids began to complain of boredom just a couple of weeks in. By now, there are probably more bored kids than satisfied kids. This is rather sad, because with all the things available to kids today, there’s no excuse for being bored.

1. Read a book. This has always been my favorite thing to do. With today’s technology, kids can either grab an actual book and read or they can read e-books. Either way, books offer the ultimate getaway. Through books, kids can travel the world. They can visit any place and any time period. There is no place that is off limits in books. Not only does reading provide the ultimate escape or vacation, it also provides educational benefits. Of course, you might not want to advertise that particular benefit to the kids as it will send many of them running in the other direction. However, reading is a skill, and like all other skills we learn, it is improved through practice. The more one reads, the better reader he or she will become. So, when your child complains of boredom, suggest that he or she read a book and as encouragement stress the benefit of visiting new worlds over the benefits of higher reading levels. And if you really want to encourage reading, do so by reading. Kids are more likely to do what they see us do, and if they see that you enjoy a good book, they are more likely to give reading a try.

2. Go outside and play. This is an oldie, but it can still reduce boredom. I’ve never been much of an outside person myself. I’ve always preferred staying inside and reading my books, but I do realize there are benefits to outside play. I spent more time outside after I had kids than I ever did as a kid. If I can make that sacrifice for my kids, so can you. Riding bikes and playing games not only relieve boredom but they also provide health and exercise benefits and could possibly provide cognitive benefits as well. If the kids create games, then they get to use their critical thinking skills and imagination, which also have numerous benefits for when they return to school. And again, you may not want to stress the educational benefits of this type of boredom relief. For some reason, kids are turned off by the idea of doing anything eduacational during their summer vacation, so it’s best not to share that with the kids as they’re playing.

3. Play a video game. Today’s kids have so many video games, many of them could open their own Game Stop. While it is true that kids shouldn’t spend hours upon hours upon hours playing video games, there’s no reason to ban them. Video games can also provide educational benefits while relieving boredom. In many of today’s games, players have to make decisions based on the evidence they have and those decisions affect the outcomes of the games. Believe it or not, this helps develop those critical thinking skills. In addition, there are many trivia-based games, word games, and educational games that kids can play. Just because it’s a video game doesn’t mean it has to be a shoot-’em-up game.

4. Find a hobby. The hobbies available are unlimited. There are many crafts available. Sewing, crocheting, knitting, and other needlework projects can be fun, as can whittling and other woodworking projects. Fishing can be a hobby, but it is one that requires a lot of patience. Kids who couldn’t be content sitting for hours on the bank of a lake and catching nothing should consider something besides fishing. Photography can also be a lot of fun, though it has the potential to become a more expensive hobby than most. Writing, drawing, dancing, geneaology, scrapbooking, singing, playing an instrument, cooking, collecting something, and athletics are all excellent potential hobbies.

5. Do some chores. If all else fails, this typically solves problems of boredom. Ideally, your kids are already doing some chores around the house, but if nothing else solves their boredom, then suggest there are extra chores that can be done around the house. Suddenly, those really bored kids will be able to find something to do to alleviate their boredom.

I can’t imagine being bored. When we become adults, we realize that some downtime with seemingly nothing to do is a great gift. Our schedules are so full of things to do, we generally have to schedule our free time. Kids will eventually figure this out and will find downtime much less boring, but until they do, there’s no reason for them to be bored. There are plenty of activities to keep them busy and entertained until school starts back.

Another Day, Another Blog

It’s one of those days again. It’s after 9:00, and I still have to get a blog posted, and I don’t really feel like writing. The best thing to do when I don’t feel like writing is to just sit down and do it. Write something, anything. It’s usually far from being my best stuff, but if one desires to be a writer, the one lesson he or she has to learn early is that not everything will be the “best stuff.” I still believe that the habit of writing every day is important, and everything I’ve ever read from authors who actually manage to make a living doing this offers the same suggestion: Write something every day.

Summer is a great lazy time, and I’ve had two busy back-to-back days. I had a meeting in Hazard to go to yesterday for the new teacher effectiveness standards in Kentucky. Now there’s a great way to spend one of your summer vacation days. Today, I took my mom to Lexington for a doctor’s appointment. Cody went along for the trip. We had a good trip; it’s just tiring and makes me not want to spend time writing now. We left around 9:30 this morning, did a little shopping at Kohl’s, ate lunch at Logan’s Roadhouse (Cody’s choice; he wanted a steak), went to the doctor, took some stuff to Travis and Ashley and hung out there long enough for Cody to download something to his Xbox and to visit a little bit, and finished by shopping at Sam’s and the Super Wal-Mart. It was nearing 8:00 this evening by the time we got back home, and by the time you carry in your packages (OK, Cody did that for me) and put them away (I did do that part), you realize you are worn out.

If you’re anything at all like me, you get the purchases put away and then look around and see a million things that need to be done. Some can wait, but others need to go ahead and get done. Since that was the case for me, I did manage to get the pots and pans that were sitting on the stove washed and put away and a load of laundry put in the washer. Cody unloaded the dishwasher for me and swept the kitchen. One of my purchases was a watermelon, so I did take the time to cut that and put it in the fridge to chill. The cashier at Sam’s assured me I would love that watermelon, and he was right. Of course, I had to sample some bites while I was cutting it.

After that, I realized that I was hungry again, and so had to decide upon something to eat. And the whole time in the back of my mind is that little voice reminding me that I don’t have a blog done yet, I haven’t written anything today, and I’m running out of time. So I fixed myself an egg sandwich and brought it to the computer with me. Finally, after a long day, I have eaten my supper and nearly finished my blog.

I’ve tried to put together some coherent thoughts for the day which has allowed me to meet my obligation (granted that obligation is just to myself, but I do think it’s important to meet obligations you make to yourself), and it’s time to return to my reading.

Win or Lose, Don’t Whine

I have always enjoyed watching my children and my nieces/nephews play ball. What I have not always enjoyed is watching the adult fans who attend these games. Honestly, the kids usually behave better, so here are some tips for making sure that you, the fan, are not perceived as an idiot at any point during the game.

1. It’s better to be thought an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. More often than not, when the stark-raving-mad fan opens his/her mouth, he or she just proves to everybody there that he or she is an idiot. Therefore, unless you are offering words of encouragement, it’s better to keep your mouth closed. Case in point: The umpire makes a call that is favorable to Team A, but Team B’s coach disagrees and argues. Crazy Fan from Team A screams, “The ump gets the final call. Get over it.” Later in the same game, the same umpire makes a call that is favorable to Team B. Same Crazy Fan from Team A now screams, “Bad call. You can’t cheat for the other team.” And the sad thing is that this is a scenario I actually saw and not one I’ve made up for illustrative purposes. Here’s a newsflash for Crazy Fan – when you argue in this manner, you look like an idiot. The other thing about keeping your mouth closed is simple. If you don’t know the rules of the game, and thus have no clue what you’re talking about, keep your mouth closed. When you start yelling crazy things and you’re obviously wrong, the people around you who do know the rules of the game just think you’re stupid. So, unless you know what you’re talking about, don’t talk about it. A final note about keeping your mouth closed. If you’re yelling at another parent, you look just as much like an idiot (maybe even more) as when you’re yelling at the officials. Don’t let the other fans get under your skin. Ignore them. Whatever you do, don’t engage in a shouting match with them.

2. Here’s a rule you should establish with your child who is playing. Don’t embarrass me, and I won’t embarrass you. It’s simple and easy to follow. The child behaves appropriately and plays like a good sport, and the parent (or grandparent, aunt, uncle, neighbor, whoever) watches like a good sport. There’s no screaming at the child (any child), only words of encouragement. There’s no screaming on the part of the child. There’s no screaming at the ref or the ump for the calls that are made. I followed this rule with my kids, and it worked out quite well. I only had one incident. When Byron was playing tee ball, he watched other kids throw their helmets when they got mad. Once, after he struck out, he returned to the dugout and threw his helmet. I did not appreciate this behavior, but I did not scream at him across the field. Instead, I walked to the dugout, said his name, and he came over to the fence. I simply said, “You will never throw another helmet, or anything else. Understood?” He simply said, “Yes, ma’am.” It never happened again. Kids can be encouraged while they play, and they can be taught appropriate behavior. The adults, however, should remember that kids can be embarrassed by how the adults behave, and they should remember that not only kids but everyone there is watching them, and they should likewise behave appropriately.

3. Bad calls will be made in every game. It happens. It’s not always on purpose. In fact, most of the time, it is NOT on purpose. But it happens. The umpires and referees are humans. The action in any ball game happens very quickly. Mistakes will be made. I’d be willing to bet that when it happens, the person who missed the call feels bad. More often than not, these people who ump or ref really do just want a good, clean game for the kids. I will admit that it is upsetting when a bad call is made. However, you have to get over it and move on. Odds are that over the course of your child’s sports career, he or she will get as many calls as go against them. Move on. Constantly yelling at a referee or umpire does nothing but make you look foolish.

4. Knowing how to win is as important as knowing how to lose. Being a good sport is important, and it’s just as hard to be a good winner as it is to be a good loser. Remember, these are KIDS playing these games. They are not professional athletes. I personally don’t care if some pro athlete gets his or her feelings hurt because somebody is talking trash. I do care if kids do. Just ask yourself how you want your kid treated, and then treat the other kids that same way. Losing hurts. Make sure your kids (and you) know how to be classy both when winning and when losing.

5. Watch your language. I realize some people use curse words on a regular basis and treat them as any other word. However, not everyone does. Movies receive ratings based on language for a reason, though they seem to be a little looser than they should be with those ratings, but that’s a blog for another day. It’s simple. You know what kind of language is appropriate in a public setting. You know there are usually lots of small children around ball fields or courts. Be respectful and bite your tongue if necessary. Don’t be throwing out inappropriate language.

6. It takes more than one bad call or one missed play to lose a ball game. I’ll give you that a bad call or a missed play can sink momentum, but part of learning the game is learning to overcome the obstacles that may be in the way. Athletes have to be able to move on from that play, get their head back into the game, and keep playing. If we’re talking about baseball, ask how many batters struck out. Had they hit the ball, the outcome would likely have been different. If we’re talking about football, ask how many tackles were missed or passes dropped. Had tackles been made and passes caught, the outcome would likely have been different. If we’re talking about basketball, ask how many foul shots were missed. Had the foul shots been made, the outcome would likely have been different. You see, there are things that can be done to overcome that bad call or that missed play. I also understand that in some games there are multiple bad calls, and sometimes there may be cheating going on. If that’s the case, there’s often not anything you can do but keep trying your best. However, those cases are the exception and not the rule. It doesn’t happen nearly as often as people like to think it does. It’s just easier to blame a loss on a ref or an ump than it is to admit that you just didn’t play well that day. The thing is you aren’t doing anybody any favors when you do that. Accept responsibility, do your best, and move on.

7. Unless you’re yelling words of encouragement (“Let’s go guys,” “Good job,” “You can do it,”), you probably don’t need to be yelling, especially at someone else’s kid. It’s bad enough if you yell something negative to your own child, but don’t you dare yell something negative at someone else’s child. These are just kids, and you don’t have the right to yell negative comments to someone else’s kid. And I’m not just talking about little league; this applies to high school athletes as well. They’re kids, and if it’s not yours, keep your mouth shut. As a parent, you know nothing makes you madder than when someone mistreats your kids, and if you’re yelling negative comments at someone else’s child, that’s what you’re doing. Just don’t do that.

8. Finally, if your kid doesn’t want to play, don’t make him or her. Making him or her play will not make him or her like the sport. Making him or her play could result in an injury. If the kid doesn’t want to play, he or she will not pay as much attention to the game as he or she should, which could mean getting hit by a ball or getting run over by another player, which could result in a serious injury. Making him or her play isn’t good for the team as a whole. If the kid doesn’t want to be there, he or she will not give his/her best effort. Everybody ends up miserable. You, the kid, the team, and the fans. If the kid doesn’t want to play, everybody watching knows it. Everyone else aside, don’t do that to yourself and your child. Find something that your child enjoys, and the two of you can share that. Not every kid wants to be an athlete. That’s OK.

I realize this blog has gotten rather lengthy, and if you’re still reading, thank you. Watching kids play sports can be a lot of fun, but it can be a lot more fun if the adults who are watching would all remember they’re watching kids. Winning is important. If it wasn’t, they wouldn’t keep score. Lessons can be learned, through winning and losing, that will help the kids become good citizens later in life. Just remember that most of the kids you’re watching will never play again after high school. They won’t have college or professional careers. Therefore, there’s nothing wrong with letting them have fun while they play (and yes, I realize winning is more fun than losing). But one sure way to take the fun out of the game is for the adults to act worse than the kids.

Ready for the Next Chapter

I’m feeling a little blue tonight. I know I’ve written about the exciting changes you get to face as your kids grow up, and I’ve said how those changes are new chapters to embrace. And I still believe all that. However, that doesn’t make the end of one chapter any less sad.

When one chapter ends and the next begins, we have to adapt. That isn’t always easy. It’s natural at those stages to reminisce and reflect fondly over the memories that got you to this new chapter. I can tell you that will involve a few tears.

Tonight, I’m on the threshold of some more of those new chapters, so tonight I’m feeling a little blue that one set of chapters will be ending, but that doesn’t stop me from looking forward to the new chapters that await us.

Nic left today to begin her last choir tour with the Voices of Appalachia, the Alice Lloyd College choir. That means several things. Not only is this her last choir tour, it’s her last college spring break. Her last semester of undergrad is half over. In eight short weeks, my daughter will be a college graduate. About eight weeks after that, she’ll begin grad school at Sullivan University. Chapters end, and chapters begin. I’m grateful for the experiences she has had at ALC, and the choir tour has been one of the best. She’s been blessed to see a lot of the United States with the choir, and I’m sure the choir has blessed lots of folks with their performances. So, tonight, I’m praying for a safe tour and for more blessings, both for the choir members and their audiences. To the seniors on the tour, I hope they have a blast and make many great memories. In just a few short weeks, you’ll be college graduates ready to enter the real world. Don’t rush it; it’ll be here soon enough. Those of us blessed to be your parents realize this better than you do.

Tomorrow, I’ll be taking Cody to UK for Merit Weekend, which allows him to complete early preregistration for his classes next fall. This will be the third child I’ve taken to UK for registration, so I know the drill and the sessions we’ll sit through. The thing is this time it’s my baby. In seven short weeks, my baby will be graduating from high school. I know this is how life works. You have kids, and they grow up. And I’ve enjoyed every minute of their growing up. But I also know letting them go is the absolute hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life. I know how hard it is to drop your kid off at college. I’ve done it three times already. So I know what to expect in August; it’ll be very similar to last summer when I left him at Murray State University for Governor’s Scholars for five weeks. And even though college is different, and I won’t have to go weeks without seeing him, and he will be home every weekend, that day will be a hard day because it will mean that my baby is officially all grown up.

Tomorrow is the beginning of that chapter. Some could say his applying to college and being accepted were the beginning, but he’s applied to several and been accepted to all of them. Going through registration at the college he’s chosen to attend makes it all a little more official; one chapter is officially about to close and another is officially about to begin. So while I sit through those parent sessions for the third time tomorrow (ALC didn’t do registration quite the way UK does, so the experience with Nic was different), I will try my best not to break down in tears, though I can’t make any promises.

When we come back home on Saturday evening, Cody will have an official college schedule. We’ll finish up the last seven weeks of his high school career, and I’ll try not to spend too much time thinking about going to work in the fall and for the first time in twenty-two years I’ll be driving in by myself, without even one kid in the car.

Time flies by. Take the time to enjoy it so that when one chapter ends and that next one begins, you’ll have plenty of memories to ease the transition.

Mellowing Out in the Passenger Seat

As a parent, there are lots of difficult things you have to do. Near the top of the list is teaching your child to drive, and then after allowing them to get their license, turning them loose in a vehicle by themselves.

I’ve gotten much better at the teaching part of it. Since Cody doesn’t have a license yet, we’ll just have to wait and see if I’ve gotten any better at the turning them loose part. Somehow, perhaps based on previous experience, I don’t believe I will show any improvement in that area.

But, at least, it’s a good thing that I’ve improved at the teaching part of it. I’m much more mellow with Cody that I was with the other three. Some might argue, and Cody would probably be one of those, that he’s just a better driver than they were, so I don’t have to be so tense and uptight. However, it probably has more to do with the fact that I’m just more comfortable doing the teaching, having worked out the kinks with the first three.

Teaching Byron was a nightmare for both of us. I don’t think there could have been anybody more tense and uptight than I was while he was learning to drive. There was a time or two I’m pretty sure I shrieked at levels that would’ve made any soprano proud. I’ve always been an alto, by the way, so that’s impressive. Somehow, though, we both survived it, and he managed to learn to drive and get a license.

I wasn’t much better with Nicole. Part of that has to do with her being the only girl, and, yes, I’ll admit it, because of that, I’m a lot pickier with her. She hates it, but that’s just the way it is; being a girl does mean your parents treat you differently. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and one that daughters can’t appreciate until they have daughters of their own. I remember distinctly proclaiming that I would never treat my daughter any differently than I treated my son. Then, I had a daughter, and so much for the proclamation. I forgot about it almost instantaneously. She’s learned to deal with it. The other reason it was a bit more difficult with her is she’s so much like me. OK, she’s just like me, so that used to make teaching her anything quite difficult. I’m sure everybody was surprised the two of us survived her learning to drive, but we did, and she also has a license.

I don’t think I was nearly as bad with Trav as I was with the first two. I was starting to mellow a bit, but hadn’t quite got there. There were a few moments that brought back memories of having Byron in the car, but it wasn’t too bad, and a few weeks after he turned eighteen, he got his license. He had to get his a little earlier than the others did since he was planning to get married in a few months.

And now I’m teaching Cody. He’s had a permit for more than a year, but none of my kids ever harassed me about driving, so we never did get in a hurry about it. But now that he’s a senior, it’s time to get with it. I’m much more relaxed, which I have decided makes it much easier. It’s funny how since I’m more relaxed, he seems more relaxed than the others did. He says he’s nervous, but he looks relaxed. I’m sure in a few weeks, I’ll have a chauffeur to drive me to and from work.

Having kids who can drive is nerve-wracking. Part of the problem with the first three was getting them to understand directions. For some reason, when I’d say “stop”, they’d slow down. If I said “slow down”, they’d stop. Then they’d wonder why I would repeat the instruction at a level several decibels higher. I do think things improved after they mastered the difference between the two commands.

Then, the first time they drove on their own, I was a nervous wreck. Byron drove to Lexington, alone, the same day he got his license. I’m sure my blood pressure was out the roof that day. Nicole just made a quick trip to town and back, but I kept pacing wondering how much longer I should wait before getting concerned. Travis took Cody home after school and came back so we could work a ball game, then had to leave the ball game to go get more hot dog buns for the concession stand. Of course, when he got back to the game, there was no place to park our huge car. But, as you can see, I survived all those first-time trips. I’m sure I’ll be a nervous wreck the first time Cody heads out by himself as well, but we’ll survive it.

Having kids who can drive is also convenient. If I don’t really want to make that trip to the store, I can send one of them. I no longer have to make trips to take or pick them up from school and they don’t have to bum rides there and back. If they want to go somewhere, they can just go; I don’t have to get out and take them. Granted, I still worry when I know they’re out driving. I don’t think that will ever change, but I handle it much better than I used to.  I’m not sure if that’s because I’m getting better at the parenting thing or if it’s just a byproduct of getting old.

Regardless of what the reason is, teaching your kids to drive is an experience. And like most things you teach your child, you can end up learning a lot from it, too.

Last Trip to Murray Worth Every Mile

The one thing I’ve looked forward to all summer is getting to bring Cody home from GSP. For those of you who don’t know what that is, I’ll offer a brief explanation. The Kentucky Governor’s Scholars Program is a five-week summer program for students to attend between their junior and senior years of high school. There is an extensive application process to go through, and only about half the applicants are chosen. I’ve been blessed that all my sons are alumni of the program. In 2005, Byron attended at Bellarmine University, and in 2009, Travis attended at Centre College. Both of those places are about two and a half hours from home. This year when Cody was selected, he was assigned to Murray State University, which is literally across the state, and he was seven hours from home.

At the end of the second week, parents are given one day as Family Day, where we can pick up our scholars and keep them all day. After that, it’s three weeks before we can see our child again. It’s a rough five weeks, but it is worth it because completion of the program provides valuable scholarships to these students.

So since June 24, I’ve been looking forward to July 29, when Cody would return home. I knew getting him home would be hectic. Because the GSP graduation was scheduled for 9:00 A.M. on July 29, we would have leave on July 28, which was also to be my first day back at work with a full day of professional development activities scheduled. In order to make sure I didn’t get behind on my PD hours, we had decided to leave after work and hoped to be on the road headed to Murray by 3:30 that afternoon. We’d get there, spend the night for the third time at the Holiday Inn Express, attend graduation, load up his stuff, and bring him home. Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans of mice and men.

The first glitch in the plan occurred Wednesday morning when I got out of bed and could barely stand. My right heel was hurting, big time. I had a trip to Lexington planned with some friends, so I took some ibuprofen and Googled “heel pain” and was pleased to find out that it probably wasn’t anything serious. I diagnosed myself with plantar fasciitis and went to Lexington with the girls. The pain subsided during the day but returned that night. The next morning, Thursday, when I was supposed to go to PD, my foot still hurt, only worse than on Wednesday, so I called in and told them I’d be there after a quick trip to the doctor, who officially diagnosed the plantar fasciitis. I received an anti-inflammatory shot and went to work.

I was ready to leave at 3:30 but Jimmy wasn’t because his doctor was moving slow that day. By about 4:30, though, we were on the road headed to Murray. I was driving even though my foot still hurt (yep, it’s my driving foot that hurts). We stopped at Kathy’s Country Kitchen to eat and when we left, there was a terrible noise coming from the rear of the vehicle. We, however, were on a mission, and continued on our way. Eventually I had to give up driving and turn it over to Jimmy, which added some time to the trip. He drives a little slower than I do. As long as we’re on the open road, though, everything seemed fine and no noise came from the rear of the vehicle. By the time we arrived at the Holiday Inn Express, we’d figured out we probably had a brake issue.

Jimmy checked with the clerk at the Holiday Inn Express; he suggested a garage where his girlfriend always takes her car and she’s never had any trouble. While I got ready for the day, Jimmy left early to go to the garage only to find out they wouldn’t look at the vehicle. We went on to graduation and then loaded up Cody’s stuff to bring him home, a task that took a little longer because I’m unable to help since I’m still hobbling along. Afterwards, we tried a Quick Lube Express, where we were told they didn’t have time to check it. Finally, Jimmy found a Michelin dealer, explained our dilemma, and the nice guys there agreed to take a look. They diagnosed the problem and said they’d work on it between their appointments. We waited patiently for rear brakes and rotors to be put on the Explorer.

We were greatly relieved that the nice guys at the Michelin place didn’t try to take advantage of the fact we were out-of-towners who were eager to get back out of town. Of course, we had to pay for the parts, but they were reasonable in their charge for labor. Finally, we were able to get on the road to head home. Again, I started driving, but with my foot, I was only able to make it about two and a half hours and had to let Jimmy take over again. We did a good job of not letting any of this bother us, though, because we were so happy to have Cody coming home.

We stopped in Lexington and had a nice celebration dinner at Logan’s Roadhouse. Finally, about eleven hours after we had Cody’s stuff loaded up and ready to go, we arrived home. The day still had something in store for me, though. Limping through the yard to the porch, I managed to find a huge rock in the grass, and, of course, I stepped on it with my lame foot. The pain was incredible. I barely managed to get myself in the house, but all was still good.

More often than not, things won’t go as smoothly as you might plan for them to go. I’d brought two other boys home from GSP without any complications, and I had no reason to expect complications this time around, and yet, there were plenty of complications. It would be so easy to get frustrated about the extra $200 we had to spend to replace brakes and rotors. It would be so easy to get frustrated about the extra four hours the trip ended up taking. It would be so easy to get frustrated because practically as soon as he gets home, he has to go back to school and I go back to work. It would be so easy to get frustrated because through the whole trip and as school is about to start, I feel like Hop-along Cassidy. Despite all this, I’m not frustrated at all. In the middle of the frustrations, you have to count your blessings, and despite all the complications that were part of bringing Cody home, I have many blessings in there to count. We made it to Murray and back home safely. We were able to get the Explorer fixed and the mechanics did not take advantage of our situation.  I have a job to report to on Monday. Cody has earned valuable scholarship money. I may be hobbling, but I am still mobile. And on top of all that, my baby is home.

Raising a Kid Isn’t Rocket Science

Recently a 47-year-old grandmother and her 50-year-old boyfriend were jailed and charged with criminal attempt to commit murder and first-degree criminal abuse because police suspect they were intentionally starving the woman’s five-year-old grandson, even though they apparently were not starving the six-year-old grandson. The adults here allegedly locked the boy in a room and withheld food and water from him. As you may be aware, I think our judicial system is the best one available. If you’re ever accused of a crime, you’ll have the best opportunity in the world to defend yourself. As seen through the Casey Anthony debacle, however, the court of public opinion is another matter entirely, and after reading the comments the boyfriend made after his arrest, it’s fairly safe to say that a judge would not let me sit on his jury.

To begin, I cannot begin to fathom how anyone could ever under any circumstances mistreat a child. In this particular case, the poor child already had it rough; he was living with his grandmother because his father is in jail and his mother lost custody. It appears obvious that the grandmother has at least had some experience in raising children, so how could she ever conceive that starving a five-year-old would be a good idea? From what I’ve read about the case, the only apparent statement from the grandmother claims that the boys already had some behavior problems. Given the situation with their parents, that’s understandable; but if that’s the case, why not seek help for them? There are plenty of trained counselors out there who can help with those types of situations. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

The statements the boyfriend made to the police completely puzzle me. I’m not confused because he proclaims their innocence. I’m confused because he tells how the boy would drink water from the fish tank, which concerned him, though apparently not enough to really do anything about it. Am I supposed to believe that makes it OK to lock him in a room and not feed him? This isn’t rocket science, either. How about telling the child not to drink from the fish tank? How about locking the fish tank in the other room away from the child and still feed the child? If it’s really an issue, why not get rid of the stinking fish tank and take care of the kid?

The boyfriend also blames the boy’s father, claiming that the child’s bad habits of picking up and eating just anything, including trash, must have come from watching his father, resulting in the child thinking this is a normal behavior. Say what? This kid is five. He can be trained to eat appropriately, if he’s fed, but if the grandmother and her boyfriend can’t handle doing that, then help from a counselor is still an option. The boyfriend did acknowledge the boy did look a little too skinny. He attributed that to the chemicals in the water the boy was drinking from the fish tank. He also admitted they should have sought help earlier. You think? Even if the alleged crimes did not occur, that’s the $64,000 question. If they knew there were issues, why did they not seek treatment?

Parenting a child is not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination, and yet it doesn’t even come close to requiring a degree in rocket science to figure it out. Most of it is common sense. And common sense tells you to feed the child.