I understand that being a restaurant server is one of the most difficult jobs out there. Between the long hours, constantly being on your feet, dealing with customers who are not always gracious, and dealing with co-workers and managers, this is a job that doesn’t often get a lot of respect. The pay isn’t great and most servers have to rely on tips to even make a decent wage. And that’s why servers have to deliver great service with a smile.

I’ve tried to teach my children to have respect for these servers, and I think they do a pretty good job with that. I’ve told them that when they are asked if they would like a refill, they should answer with a “yes, please” and when that refill arrives, they should respond with “thank you”. I’ve told them that every time that server brings or does something for them, every action should receive a “thank you”.  I try to lead by example on this one. Even when the server is having a bad day, we try to be polite because we know that he or she has a rough job.

Despite how rough that job is, that sever has to deliver service with a smile, to every customer, every day. Even if he or she is having a bad day, service has to be delivered with a smile. When he or she is given extra tables, those tables become his or her customers as well, and they should receive the same service as the regular tables. All the server’s tables need the same attention.

Our family believes in tipping well. However, we don’t just tip to be tipping. The tip has to be earned. While we are sympathetic to the rough job the servers have to do, if we choose to eat at a restaurant, we do expect good service. Yesterday, we ate at a restaurant where the server was having a bad day. It was hot, she’d been assigned extra tables, it was crowded, she was pregnant, and the list goes on. I know most of this because the time or two she did stop by our table, she shared her complaints with us. We were one of those extra tables. We watched as she took care of her assigned tables, and we sat and sat and sat and waited for her to take care of us. She took our order, delivered our order, and came by once or twice during the meal. At one point, we waited more than twenty minutes for her to notice we needed a refill. The manager came by to check on us, and we told him that the food was good but the service wasn’t. We asked for our ticket and a to-go box. When the server brings these to us, she apologizes and goes through her litany of complaints again, and asks didn’t we get that refill, you know, the one we waited more than twenty minutes for her to even notice. This rarely ever happens, but we left the restaurant and we did not leave a tip.

Restaurant serving is tough. We try to be good customers and not make it any tougher than it has to be. However, we are paying for a service, and we expect quality service. We all have bad days, but sharing all of that with the customers is not the best way to handle it. I have a job. I have bad days. I don’t go in and share all the ins and outs of that bad day with my students. There are lines that it’s better not to cross. Restaurant customers can be sympathetic to a server who’s having a bad day, as long as that bad day doesn’t disrupt the service. When it does, though, the server should not be surprised when the customer does not leave a tip. Customers leave tips based on the quality of service, not out of sympathy for someone’s bad day.